


City boy

by queer botticelli (botticelli_venus)



Series: Valentine can't flirt [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Disaster gay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pining, References to Depression, Sebastian is Bad at Feelings (Stardew Valley), Self Care, Slow Burn, Stardew Valley Expanded, Sweet Evelyn (Stardew Valley), everyone is bad at feelings, gay male oc, heart event retelling, mature later on, my oc is called valentine idk why, relationships dont fix mental health baby!, sebastians leather jacket, sebsatian is a natural ginger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28982592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/botticelli_venus/pseuds/queer%20botticelli
Summary: Valentine didn't expect his gay panic to follow him to Stardew Valley, but with a strangely high number of single people his age (seriously, the town population is over half single people his age), he doesn’t have much chance of surviving this impulsive move single for long.*Valentine couldnt get his brain to work beyond 'is that nail varnish? Black and chipped? Man walked out of my old emo posters I use to hide under my bed; Yoba is punishing me for my preteen sins'.
Relationships: Sebastian/Male Player (Stardew Valley), Sebastian/Player (Stardew Valley), past Sebastian/Alex
Series: Valentine can't flirt [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125977
Comments: 12
Kudos: 56





	1. First meeting

**Author's Note:**

> I can't excuse this. I'm in the third lockdown, and over 100 hours into the game at this point. Valentine is a name I like and I figured I could give my brain some release by pairing him with everyones favourite goth Sebastian. Not at all game accurate, and just me projecting my awkwardness onto someone else.

There was an ache in his back that wouldn’t shift until he either slept for a solid ten hours or had a bath. Considering the fact his grandfather had no indoor plumbing at the moment, he wouldn’t feel any better until he slept tonight. He was already thinking about the old, but soft bed he had waiting back at his Grandfathers place, surrounded by boxes still, but comfortable. 

If this had been his shitty apartment in the city, he wouldn’t have thought twice about crashing into bed with his laptop blaring some rerun cable show (he liked the one with the fortune teller) and ignoring the world for a blissful few days until his social battery recovered. But that wasnt how the countryside worked, and maybe his mother had been entitled to her warnings and lectures 'Valentine, you use to cry when you got mud on you as a child', 'Valentine you scream if an insect comes near you, even as an adult'. She was completely right, of course. But her ego was big enough as it was without him telling her that.

It hadnt taken long for him to speak nearly every resident in this small town. Even some guy, covered in nothing but leaves, he'd caught rummaging through some bins. He had been sweet enough, and Valentine had given him some berries he'd picked from the bushes as a reverse 'welcome to Stardew valley' gift. Linus had loved it.

It was charming, how close everyone was. He was already struggling to connect the family trees across all the little houses and shops. Purple hair girl was the daughter of green haired mother and brown-haired father. Almost made him wish he hadn’t failed biology so he could try and figure it all out.

The map he had been given by the mayor (why did such a small place need a mayor? Or a map for that reason. It was basically a centre and some trees) crinkled against his hand, already folded and creased from where he had pulled it out multiple times to make his introductions. It had seemed polite, the correct thing to do. Now he promised he would go and see Robin, the red head that correctly assessed his inherited house as a shithole, to see what they could do about the whole ‘I dont have any working water' situation. Then, he thought with some degree of relief, bed. 

* * *

"Hello?"

The building centre smelt like sawdust, suddenly making his nostalgic for when his grandfather was still alive, the smell the clung to his clothes alongside fresh grass. It looked nice, neat. Smooth wooden furniture and windows flooding the area with dusky light.

"Here!" Robins voice came down the hallway to the right, and Valentine stuffed his map back into his jacket pocket, fussing with the little bunch of daffodils he had bundled in his other pocket. He figured they would look nice on his kitchen table, fit in with the country aesthetic and all that.

"Here about your house? I didnt mean to come across so rude you know. It’s a sweet place, really." Robin continued as she finally emerged, high pony swinging as she rounded her counter, leaning against the wooden top. Valentine just nodded, flustered.

"I dont mind, it is a bit...shit?" Valentine assured, trying to keep his eyes forward and not to the side where he could see some stairs leading down, and what looked like a scientific lab to the right. Killers? Serial killers? Seemed like the setup of a killer. Surely you where more likely to get killers in the countryside. His old flatmate said so. Though, she said a lot of things that didn't make a lot of sense.

"I'd just like some running water, city boy standards and all that." He added, Robin laughing brightly and making him just flush darker. Yoba. He was rubbish at all this.

"Nothing picky about that, city slicker." She reassured, starting to fuss with some papers and placing a few forms to the side. Valentine suddenly realized this was one of those 'grown up, money needed adult decisions' he normally managed to avoid in his day-to-day life, and then remembered with painful clarity he was in his mid-twenties and should be good at these kinds of things.

"Do you have any idea how long it will be-"

A click and groan of a door opening, sticky rush of hot spring air rolling over his shoulders, and Valentine shivered a little in surprise.

"Sebastian! How was your uh, thingy with Sam." Robin greeted warmly, and Valentine turned with no amount of dread.

_Awh fuck._

He had hoped he would leave this in the city, alongside his dead-end shit of a job. He wasnt... Uncomfortable, with his sexuality. No matter what his old roommate use to shout when he went running from every attractive looking male she use to bring round for her parties. But working back-to-back hours for Jojo (the sight of the blue market made him almost scream in exasperation, seemed the poison of Jojo reached even the idealist little country towns too), and the university course that spat him out, didnt leave time for things like this. Dating. Hot guys. Nothing other than some awkward encounters at the only gay bars in his city, and rushed ‘above the waist’ heavy petting at some dark pub.

"Band practise."

The deep voice shouldn’t have been a surprise, and by the looks of the dark clothing and dark hair, neither should have been the hobby. Sebastian looked like his teenage wet dream as a walking, talking person, even smelt like cigarette smoke. It made his fingers itch for the old habit he had dropped after he had moved here. Clean air, clean lungs, all that.

"This is Valentine! Lives at the farm West of town, you know." Robin continued, thankfully unaware of the gay panic he was experiencing, and Sebastian seemed to pause his ritual of unloading his pockets on the counter, in preparation to hang his jacket up. Lighters and some stray guitar picks.

"The shit hole?"

"Sebastian!"

Valentine laughed, a desperate sounding wheeze that made his cheeks hot and that made the dark-haired goth look up. A painful looking self-awareness crept into the others eyes, shoulders hunching and eyes dipping down, picking his items up with a self-conscious frantic nature.

"It’s okay, it’s a bit of a shit hole. Its why I’m talking to your...." Oh _fuck_. Even Sebastian paused to listen to what he would say next, and Valentine couldnt get his brain to work beyond _'is that nail varnish? Black and chipped? Man walked out of my old emo posters I use to hide under my bed; Yoba is punishing me for my preteen sins_ '.

"-Sister?" He settled on, making Sebastian scoff and turn towards the stairs leading down to the basement, Robin letting out a delighted sort of sound.

"Sister! Hear that! Oh, you are a charmer, dont let Demetrius hear you. It won’t make your renovation any cheaper, mind you." Robin continued, Sebastian letting out a rumbly little laugh as he started to step down to his.... Room? Basement murder area? Vampire murder basement room?

"Oh, Sebastian, I saw Abigail in town earlier, I told her you would be here later."

Valentine watched as that tension built up in the other’s shoulders, letting out a practiced sounding huff as he half turned. There was a yellow artificial light bleeding up from the room below, and it caught against the sharp edge of his cheekbones, and Valentine could see a small mole below his eye, a small mark in an otherwise flawless, pale skin.

"I’m working-" Sebastian started, voice low, and Valentine watched as Robin waved her hand, still fussing the papers. 

"Oh, she won’t mind if you keep going on your computer-"

"Keep _working_ on my computer-"

Valentine watched it was with horrible sense of familiarity, hearing his own protests to his Mum when she tried to tear him away from an art project due the next day. _'It’s just creative bits, you can do that whenever'._

"It will be nice, you barely leave your room to see them, they are very patient with you really-" Robin continued, voice a little strained as she bundled together what he'd need to get his renovation approved, pushing it forward with a distinctive annoyed ruffle. 

"I should go." Valentine announced, and Robin seemed to remember he was still there, pink appearing on the apple of her cheeks, waving off his concerns.

"Oh, sorry sorry. Family things. You know how it is."

Valentine gave a small nod at that, painfully aware of how not aware of it he was. Sebastian just gave that sigh again, and he felt a rush of sympathy hot and sharp in his stomach.

“Sounds cool, what ever you do. I’m rubbish at computers, really. I don’t have the brain for it, I think. Must be smart to do all that number stuff.” Valentine let out in a rush, watching as Sebastian paused on his descent, half turning with a frown, and he felt his palms get tingly.

Oh, you fucking idiot. This was why he didn’t talk to hot guys.

“Right.”

“Right, well! Anyway, thank you so much! For all the uh, information, forms. Ill be back tomorrow. Things to do!” Valentine rushed, gathering up the papers Robin had left. She offered the kind of smile his own mother use to give him, tight and disappointed, before disappearing down hallway she had appeared from. Sebastian stayed though, a little unwillingly by the way his foot still hoovered to walk lower, changing his mind and instead climbing up the few steps he had walked down originally.

There was a tension that grew after Robin left, without her bright chatter the entryway to the building felt hollowed out and strange. Like static, Valentines mind helpfully supplied. Sebastian must have felt it too, by the way he swayed a little awkwardly on his feet, rolling in his dark, chunky looking boots. 

“I like your flowers.” Sebastian managed to say, paying off the patience it took Valentine not to be the first to break the silence. It came out a little strangled, and Valentine could see the way the other realized his tone, frowning a little, hands shoved deep in his hoodie pocket. 

“Oh! Oh, thank you, I was going to uh- “He had to be possessed, that was the only reasoning behind why he careful pulled the daffodils from his pocket and held them out, moisture slippery on his palm. “-Here. You have them, they don’t need loads of light so they should be okay in your- “Murder basement with coffin in “-Room.”

Sebastian stared for a painfully long moment, and Valentine wished he would join his Grandfather in whatever afterlife there was before he reached forward. Their hands brushed, and Valentine could see the dark, chunky rings the other was wearing with more detail. It was a strange sight. Sebastian with his ripped-up jeans and baggy hoodie clutching at some flowers. Cute.

“Thanks?”

“No worries! Okay, bye then! See you soon.” Valentine rushed out, already heading for the door and closing it behind him, a little harder than he meant.

_Oh Yoba. He was screwed._


	2. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) i know nothing about fishing :)

Time seemed to move slower here, almost thick in the air. The effect was most evident when he woke up in the morning, staring up at the dusty beams of his bedroom. It was the sunlight first, a soft yellow, and then the noises of his sprinklers, the ruffle of his chicken's feathers. 

He couldn't believe this was his life now, he'd grown use to waking up with sirens and shouts, not green rolling pastures. Six in the morning, a time he use to fall asleep. He felt miles away from the version of himself now, even though he had barely been here a season.

Short as the time had been, he suited this life, he thought. Pulling on some faded jeans and a top that had the least amount of dirt on from his work yesterday, fondly he brushed his hand down the soft fur of his cat, a funny little stray that reminded him so keenly of himself he had to adopt it. 

It felt nice though, to go into the town center before anyone else woke up, peer at the notice board and see if he could help with any requests. This place was run on kind gestures, loaning and giving things with little payment. It was nice, another welcomed change.

Valentine hitched his fishing pole a little higher up his shoulder, turning away from the shop front and continuing his walk to the mountain lake. It was peaceful there, sometimes he saw Demetruis walk by, scribbling whatever he scribbled in his little book. Robin would come by too, but he never saw Sebastian, not that he had looked. 

* * *

His big fishing bag went down first, bending to pull off his shoes and roll up the bottom of his loose jeans. His shoes where placed aside, his phone sticking out the top of one for safe keeping. Valentine took a deep breath, shivering a little at the cool water, wiggling his toes as he placed his feet in. Carefully he began to string his bait. This all felt from a world away, when he was little enough to sit on his Grandfathers lap as the other showed him the process of baiting and catching a fish. It made him smile, thinking back, fishing line stretched out far into the lake, not yet feeling the tug of a curious fish. 

Valentine was so lost in his thoughts, and the meditative process of fishing, that he smelt his company before he saw them. Heady cigarette smoke, making him twist a little to turn and look over his shoulder. Sebastian. The other had a lighter in one hand, flicking at the stubborn flame before it finally caught, the smoke curling around his long fingers and up into the cloudless sky. He looked different, Valentine noted. Hair wasn’t as tamed or styled as before, it was ruffled and spikey, jeans slung low on his hips. He faintly remembered seeing some dark shadows and eyeliner on the others face previously. Without it he looked younger. 

“Hey!” Valentine called, cheeks flushed as he offered a half wave, Sebastian clearly heard him. He could tell by the way his shoulders curled inwards a little, but he took a moment to turn and face him, a small half smile on his own lips. “Hey! How's your uh-” Valentine gestured, pretending to type with one hand. 

“It's uh, good. Lunch break.” Sebastian admitted, voice a little raspy, sleep warm. It was still early, he supposed. About nine in the morning. He could see that Sebastian had small red creases against his cheek, and he was surprised at the longing he felt in his stomach thinking about the warm bed the other had left behind. 

“I'm catching a fish.” Valentine offered back dumbly, watching as Sebastian slowly looked out at the lake, following the fishing line. 

“I uh, well I figured.” Sebastian admitted finally, and Valentine curled his toes under the water, gazing back out and desperately trying to relax. He turned into such an idiot talking to people. His mother always told him he needed to practice. 

It was silent, gentle ripples in the lake softening what could have been a tense atmosphere, kicking his feet out to splash a little. It would scare any fish off, but it was an addictive feeling, and the day was early yet. He'd get his chance for fish. 

“Isn't it cold?” Sebastian asked curiously, and Valentine gave a half shrug, lifting his leg up to watch the water glisten and curl down his calf. Working on the farm had just darkened his naturally tanned tone, a few stark looking freckles curling around his knee. 

“It's nice, soothing.” Valentine explained, feeling content being halfway between the rapidly warming sun and cool mountain water.

Sebastian moved fast, faster than his sleepy aura suggested, taking a drag on his cigarette, and sitting down beside him, close enough to feel the heat of the other. He smelt like warm bedding, tangy, ash. It was so startling different to the florals of Spring. Grounding. 

“Theres frogs, when it rains.” Sebastian said, fag bobbing in his mouth, flicking as his lips moved to speak. His fingers danced against his laces, converse, fingernails red this time. Freshly applied. The way he spoke made everything sound like fact, so certain. 

“Really?” Valentine asked, peering down to where he could see his feet under the water, looking over as Sebastian slid his own pale feet beside his. He too had stuffed his mismatched socks in his shoes, and it made Valentine smile a little. Felt less intimidating, seeing Sebastian like this. He was lankier than he first seemed, he was normally so curled in on himself he appeared shorter. Stretched out like this he reminded him of his cat at the farm. 

“How come you're here?” Sebastian asked then, the tobacco in his cigarette rasping as he exhaled, Valentine tried to hide his own deep inhale. Secondhand smoke, couldn't beat it. 

“I'm fishing-” 

“I mean Stardew valley. People normally leave here, not move here.” Sebastian corrected, surprisingly sure of himself, like this was something he was passionate about. 

“My grandfather told me it was waiting if I ever needed it. And I needed it, I… I don't know, I don't think I’m made for a life in the city. It's too quick.” Valentine admitted, voice soft as he gazed up, watching the clouds slowly drift. Sebastian made a noncommittal noise beside him, and the smoke continued to curl from the corner of his vision. 

“I can't wait to get out of here.” 

“I’ll try not to take that personally.” Valentine teased, expression softening at the stricken look on Sebastians face. “I'm teasing.” 

They fell silent again, the fishing pole giving a few hopeful dips, but nothing catching. Valentine carefully adjusted and moved the fishing string. Sebastian continued to smoke, and Valentine deeply inhaled each time. 

“You want one?” Sebastian asked then, voice softening out the more he woke up, and Valentine hesitated. 

“Technically I'm giving up.” 

“Technically.” Sebastian repeated with a smile, shifting to pull a pouch of tobacco from his hoodie pocket, fishing for papers and filters. “Lots of things happen on a technicality.” Sebastian added then, softer. Valentine watched captivated as the other carefully pinched and spread the fine leaves, tucking, and rolling in one smooth motion. It was like watching someone whittle away, a fine craft. His dark hair fell forward as he dipped his head to lick the paper, and Valentine itched to push it back. The paper still felt a little tacky from the others tongue when he handed it over, cheeks flushing as Sebastian lent close. 

“Oh!” Valentine rushed to place the cigarette between his lips, lining the unlit end to Sebastians, inhaling to help catch the light. The rush of smoke was rich, making Valentine sigh as he lent back, carefully exhaling. Menthol filters, he hadn't had those in a while, reminded him of his old flat mate. He carefully balanced the fishing pole between his knees, leaning back on his hand, looking over at Sebastian with a half-smile. 

It was the first time he had really seen the other, the artificial light of his basement room did nothing for him, not really. The coloring that had looked almost sickly before was a lot softer, his skin littered with some dark little speckles of moles and freckles. It was charming, made him look more alive. He looked like Robin in the daylight, Valentine realized. His eyelashes looked almost white, and he wondered if the other was a natural ginger like his mum. He had some purple lines under his eyes, his shoulders slumped, worn. Delicate was the wrong word for Sebastian, he was wirily, almost coiled. Tense, his mind supplied. 

His jeans where a lot tighter than Valentines, he had got them just over his ankles, narrow and long, dipping in and out of the water. He looked stark, out of place against the soft greens and pastels of the valley. 

“Are you happy here?” 

Valentine frowned at the question, plucking at the fishing line, wondering the details of the question before he gave a nod. 

“I think so. It's different. Different isn't a bad thing at all, it's nice. I like that it's so different to what I use to know. I felt so distanced from other people. Everyone is so close here. Everyone knows everyone. I feel like I've been here forever.” Valentine admitted in one rush, looking over in way of explanation. Sebastian was looking at him, really looking. He felt his breath catch a little. Sebastian's eyes were lighter than he originally thought. Almost yellow around the iris. 

“You like that?” Sebastian asked, smoke curling from his lips. "Being part of a community like that?" Valentine nodded, looking down, looking instead at how Sebastians fingers curled in the grass beside the lake side, red nails violent against the green. 

“Who wouldn't like that? To be seen?” Valentine asked back softly, and Sebastian hummed at that, tilting his head back to look up at the sky. 

“Who wouldn't." Sebastian repeated, and Valentine felt his fishing line tug. 


	3. the Mines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone wants to request some interactions between Valentine and Sebastian, I would love that!! I just like writing two idiots dancing around one another really. And its my agressive head cannon that Sebastian is a natural ginger and no one can convince me otherwise

Valentine first saw it when it gave a miserable little crunch under his foot. He huffed, leaning heavily on his lead bat to catch his breath, he couldn’t see any more of those slimy little fiends. A good time for a break, he figured. The bat was lent against the crumbling walls of the cave, and he frowned a little at the grating noise as he moved. Ah, yes. Stepped on something. He always felt awful after spending a few hours underground, felt like his skin was tight and his heart would beat out his chest. Probably adrenaline, that’s what Marlon had claimed when he entered the explorer guild shivering uncomfortably. It was addictive though, a rush he wouldn’t get from the city, or his old job.

"Awh shit." Valentine sighed, crouching down to poke at the little shimmering shards that had been crushed by his boot. It looked pretty, even broken, so he carefully pulled for a piece of cloth he had previously wrapped his lunchtime sandwich in and wrapped the little shards safely within. Clint would have some idea about what it had been, or Gunther.

It was getting late; he should head back now anyway. His chickens where well behaved and tucked themselves in at night, but they got moody with him in the morning if left their door open. Little shits.

* * *

It was drizzling when he left the mines. The weather report predicted it and he hadn’t been sure by how bright the morning had been. But the weather report was always right, almost uncanny. Valentine sighed softly, rolling his shoulders and feeling a gentle burn began to start up. Robin had finally managed to drag his little house kicking and screaming into the 21st century, and he had a bath waiting for him. It was the little things. He wiped his hand against his dirty trousers, grimacing at the strange mucus the slimes left after they exploded. He could feel it crusting in his hair, and he was pretty sure a bat managed to get a swipe at his eyebrow, it felt prickly, and when he touched it his fingers came away tacky and red. Nothing major, probably heal up in a few days. Still, he reasoned with himself as he began to trudge down the mountain path, he'd go and see Harvey tomorrow, first thing. Take the guy a coffee. He still owed him from looking after him when he passed out in the mines, he had pushed himself too hard the first time. He had been careful to not repeat the mistake. Partly because a load of his stuff got stolen, and mostly because Harvey was scary when he told you off.

He spotted a dark figure crouched low by the lakeside, and Valentine felt his hand tighten on his rucksack strap, where his bat was tucked away. it was a reflex, he knew something wouldn’t come crawling out those mines, but it still left him uneasy. On closer look, as he walked through various puddles and slippery mud, he realized it was Sebastian. That made a funny little twist in his stomach turn, and he found himself pausing, not far from the other, almost holding his breath.

It wasnt spying if he was close to the other, right? And he just hadn’t been noticed? That must fall into some grey area of social politeness. Sebastian was bundled in a black raincoat, the hood dipping over his forehead with the weight of the rain, but he made no move to adjust it. He had his dark eyes pinned on the lake bank, hands tucked into his coat sleeves, crouching on the tip of some green wellies. Valentine wanted to speak, really, but Sebastian was so focused it felt like he would be interrupting some spell. Anyway, Sebastian looked peaceful, more peaceful than he had seen him before.

"Theres normally tadpoles this time of year, big frogs too." Sebastian finally spoke, and Valentine jolted a little, cheek flushing as he realized he had been seen. He felt a strange compulsion to turn around and leave, but that just felt ruder, on top of spying and staring like some oddity. He twisted his hands together, painfully aware of the state of himself, and wondering why it mattered to him so much.

"They'll get cold out here, surely?" Valentine admitted finally, and Sebastian laughed a little at that, turning to look at him with a soft expression, Valentine watched as it morphed into surprised.

"Yoba- what the hell happened to you?" Sebastian asked, pushing himself up from his crouching position and taking a step towards him. They both seemed surprised by that, and Sebastian rocked back on his feet a little to create some distance.

"The other guy looks worse." Valentine added brightly, the smile at his lips pulling at a graze he hadn't noticed yet. He hadn’t actually seen himself, he normally bathed and then confronted the mirror with a swaddle of bandages and antiseptic. Going by Sebastian’s stare, the joke didnt land. "I um- I didnt actually beat up a guy. I was mining, some bats came at me. And the slimes? You know, little jelly things. They explode." Valentine continued dumbly, and Sebastian made a wounded kind of noise, peering into his eyes.

"Are you concussed or something?"

"No! Genuinely, bats are spiteful, they aim for the face. Must think I’m hideous."

That brought a surprised laugh from the other, and Sebastian looked a little less tense around the edges as he continued to stare.

"Come on, Mums got some wipes and stuff, you can’t walk through town like that." Sebastian finally decided, and Valentine felt his cheek flush, shaking his head.

"No, it’s okay, my first aid box is huge, I've done this loads now." Sebastian seemed content to ignore him, turning to walk to his house, and when he noticed Valentine wasnt following he stepped back, long fingers peeking out his coat sleeve to catch the strap of his rucksack.

"Come on, Evelyn will have a heart attack if she sees you, you want her death on your hands? Woman is a national treasure." Sebastian scolded lightly, and Valentine sighed and let himself be dragged along, shivering as they stepped into the warmth of the house. He automatically followed suit as Sebastian began to pull off his raincoat and wellies, the other ruffling his hair where it had been laid flat by the rain. Valentine was shivering, he noticed it with half tired curiosity, and Sebastian frowned as he noticed too.

"Come on, think all the stuff is in the kitchen."

Valentine followed after him, trying hard not to peer at the pictures lining the walls. He spotted a few of a pale little ginger kid, and he couldnt help but grin. Knew it, that black hair was too severe to be natural on Sebastian.

"Sit down, does it hurt anywhere else? Your face is a little marked up." Sebastian called, and Valentine rushed a little to enter the kitchen and sit himself down, fingers trailing the soft wooden tabletop. It was a little ring stained, some paint speckling the light service, it was charming. Homely.

"Um, little sore. But I was harvesting what was left of my Spring crops, so that’s normal." Valentine admitted, watching as Sebastian turned, bandages, bottle of antiseptic, and a sling all perilously balancing in his arms.

"You did all that? Its early still." Sebastian muttered, organizing his supply. Valentine was so charmed by his earnest he didnt correct him on the time. "I uh, right. Okay, stay there." He ordered then, and Valentine blinked up at him.

Really, he wasnt who moved first. Sebastian’s hand, still cold, curled around the soft edge of his jaw, and Valentine tilted into the touch. It should be embarrassing, really. He was like his cat mewling for attention.

"It might sting?"

"You dont seem certain."

"It will sting like a bitch; I was trying to be thoughtful." Sebastian frowned, and Valentine pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth to stop himself from laughing. He was right though, the wipes Sebastian was pressing to his skin did sting, and it made him wince, Sebastian fingers fluttering against the thin skin of his jaw.

"Sorry." It was soft, almost breathed, and Valentine looked up at the other, watched as he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, worrying it as he focused on cleaning up his little battle scars.

"S ‘okay."

They stayed silent for a long moment, Sebastian carefully working, pointy fingers smoothing cream over his grazes after they were wiped clean. By the collection of rust-stained wipes building on the table, Valentine realized just how bad he must have looked.

"What where you doing down there, anyway? Abi is always on about going but said it was dangerous. It is dangerous." Sebastian asked, voice stern, frightfully like his mother.

"Getting stuff. Needed some stones for your mum to make me a stable. Want a horse. Got some gems I can sell too, give a few to the museum. Education and all that." Valentine answered, feeling the ridges of Sebastian’s knuckles press against his jaw as he spoke. He could feel the flutter of the others heartbeat beside his chin, and it make something soft wiggle in his chest. Sebastian laughed at that, nodding his head as he turned for a little plaster.

"You really are just a good person, huh? Most the town likes you, but I just feel like another foot has to fall." Sebastian admitted, and Valentine frowned a little at that. "Nothing to do with you, I’m paranoid."

It was said with so much firmness, Valentine felt he couldnt protest it.

"Wanna see something cool?" Valentine asked instead, and Sebastian made a face.

"Is it bat wings? That’s disgusting."

"No! I give those to the Wizard, look." Valentine wiggled a little, Sebastian’s hand moving from his face, leaving his jaw cold. He dug in his pocket, carefully pulling out his bundled cloth, laying out the fabric on the table. In the soft lighting of the kitchen, the little smashed shards looked iridescent.

"Holy shit." Sebastian breathed, leaning down, his fingers hoovering a little, if afraid to touch it. "I can’t believe you found one."

"You know what it is?" Valentine asked, excited. He used his fingernail to push one a little, liking how the colours sparkled.

"It’s a frozen tear." Sebastian explained softly, looking over, his eyes brighter than he had seen before. Handsome, Valentine was struck by the thought.

"Have it. Its broken, I stepped on it, so I can’t give it to the museum or anything. And uh- you... Like it." Valentine managed to sputter, and Sebastian let out a delighted sort of sound. Indecent.

"I love it." The other admitted, so sincere it made his chest ache. The pale hand was back on his jaw, and Valentine for a fluffy brained moment thought Sebastian was going to kiss him. Instead, the sting of antiseptic returned, and Valentine sucked a sharp breath between his teeth.

"Does it hurt?" Sebastian asked, concerned. He was looking down, so close he could see the soft spatter of freckles across the bridge of the others nose, the warm yellow of his otherwise dark eyes. He was warm, his long legs half bent and pressed against his thigh.

"Yes." Valentine breathed back, not really sure just what pain he was referring too. “It will pass.”


	4. Motorbike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seeing Sebastian work on his motorbike is still one of my favorite heart events <3

Summer had come to Stardew Valley with a certain laziness, creeping over the mountains and settling its warm weight down on the town. It had been a welcome change, at first. It lost its charm once Valentine realized just how much harder picking crops was in the blazing heat, and the smell of animals just got worse as it got hotter. Still, he woke with the sun, meaning he was done with most his farm work by about eleven. It left him with free time to do a lot of highly useful things, but he always seemed to end up here. Sebastian’s little garage, a place he formally thought was just filled with bits of rubbish Robin didnt want to throw out, like most people. Instead, it housed Sebastian’s motorbike, big and navy blue. So, unlike what he had expecting from the other, but so perfectly suited at the same time.

It hadn’t started out to become a tradition, a new task for him to complete his day. Somehow ‘visit Sebastian’ neatly slid itself between ‘feed the chickens’ and ‘ship off his crops’. It was nice though. The first time had purely been an accident, he had dropped by to see Robin about some barn upgrades, and Sebastian had been laid out there, in his thin shirt and muscles flexing as he worked. Valentine had always been weak and asked some questions about the bike he didn’t understand the answer he received. Sebastian had probably been able to see right through his ruse, but it didn’t stop the other from encouraging him to sit and ‘learn some stuff other than plants’. Who was he to turn down such an offer anyway?

He had ulterior motives, really. Robin would come out with lemonade, which was highly delicious, and Sebastian would occasionally pause his tinkering to rub sun cream down his pale arms. He always wore the same, stained tee when he worked out here, and Valentine tried to hide just how much he liked to stare. He did feel a little guilty, pretending to listen as Sebastian softly spoke about the different parts, just staring at the curve of the others back, the hollow of his throat where his skin curled into his sharp collarbones. Cruel really, he justified it as an exercise in restraint.

"There's nothing else like it, blazing along the empty stretch of road towards the faint city glow." Sebastian had a softness to his voice Valentine hadn’t heard before, he found himself leaning in closer, small smile growing on his lips. He liked it when Sebastian got like this, open and unconcerned about how he sounded. He always seemed so painfully aware of what others thought of him. Valentine liked the way Sebastian spoke when he was comfortable, soft edges.

"Can you ride?" Sebastian asked, pausing a moment to look up at Valentine, and he felt himself flushing, pulling at the rim of his straw hat with a half shrug.

"Never saw the point in learning, cities have buses." Valentine pointed out, though it felt a little cruel. Pam had been laid off, and really. If he had the choice of growing and earning here or going to a city and buying what he needed, he would stay here.

"I’ll take you sometime." The other offered, and Valentine found himself nodding. He had been sat cross legged on the ground beside the other, plaiting some strands of grass, but he lent forward, wanting to see just what it was that Sebastian was adjusting. Sebastian seemed happy after his confirmation to the plans, his long legs splayed out in front of him, elegant fingers fiddling away with a small screw.

"I'd like that. Abigail been hassling at me to get her some of that sushi I keep talking about, the one from the shop I use to live nearby. I need to get stuff anyway, my old flatmate been hassling me to visit" Valentine continued, frowning as Sebastian seemed to deflate a little.

"Sure, she'd like that." Sebastian flopped back down, narrowing his eyes as he stared underneath the wheel arch, and Valentine hummed, thumb collecting the condensation building on the edge of his cool drink.

"Unless you guys are... You know." Valentine started slowly, and Sebastian sat up. He had started to dig in his pocket for his tobacco and papers, and Valentine almost wanted to groan. He'd upset him.

"What?" Sebastian asked, voice lined with a fragile edge, and Valentine did groan that time, Sebastian peering up from where he had bent down to lick the paper.

"I dont know! I just assumed you and Abi where, I dont know, mates. Is it a thing? She isn’t my type, but I can back off-"

Sebastian startled him by laughing, curling the fag shut and lighting it, taking a drag.

"No! No, Yoba, we're friends. Dated in high school but I think that’s because we thought we should. Security and all that." Sebastian admitted finally, and Valentine felt his cheeks flush, fishing for an ice cube from his drink and crunching it between his teeth. Sebastian was staring at him, the trickle of water inching down his forearm. Valentine wiped it away with the edge of his shirt.

"Anyway-" Sebastian’s voice sounded thick, leaning back with the cigarette still between his fingers, his free hand poking at his front tyre. It looked completely normal, to Valentine anyway, and he briefly wondered if Sebastian was avoiding eye contact with him. "-I’m gay."

"Oh!" Valentines voice sounded funny to his own ears, and Sebastian was still, seemingly surprised by his own statement. "Good! I mean, for you, for knowing. I mean my flatmate always use to say I was the worse gay guy ever, you know. Hopeless with guys, rubbish." His voice felt pitchy, high, and he realized Sebastian was leaning back on one elbow, watching him with his dark eyes.

Valentine shifted, first looking down at his feet, picking at the elastic of his sock, before twisting the hem of his jeans between his fingers. The only noise between them was the tinny speaker of Sebastian’s phone, blasting out 'proper music' (That’s what Sebastian had said, it sounded Loud to Valentine). It felt like the top of his head was burning, he could almost physically feel the others gaze.

"Can you pass me the torque wrench?" Sebastian asked then, and Valentine was almost thankful for the change in subject. Almost, because despite Sebastian’s best attempts, he still didnt know all the silly names for the tools.

“This one?"

"Not quite, next to it though." Valentine smiled, handing it over, and taking the offered cigarette Sebastian wiggled. It was a little damp around the filter, and Valentine tried not to think about the others spit as he took a drag.

"I'll ask Maru when it will be a good night for the stars, the light pollution from the city ruins it a little but it’s still pretty." Sebastian continued, forearms tensing as he adjusted something, and Valentine smiled.

"When we go on this ride? You have to get me on that death trap first."

“I’ll put training wheels on it for you.” Sebastian teased, reaching for him phone as it vibrated against the ground. The music dimmed as he opened it up, a brief look of annoyance crossing his face before he sighed.

“Promised Alex Id do some band practise today.” He offered in explanation, and Valentine nodded, before realizing it was a dismissal.

“Oh, yeah. Don’t let me keep you from your friends.” Valentine rushed, watching as Sebastian carefully stood, stretching his arms with a huff.

“You’re my friend too.” Sebastian scolded lightly, holding his hand out. It was smudged with oil, dark in places and slick. Valentine smiled, grasping it and groaning a little as Sebastian pulled him up. Yoba, he ached. Maybe he’d look into going to the spa, resting up, harvest was only going to get harder as the season continued. Once he was upright, he realized just how close the two of them where, the brim of his straw hat almost knocking against Sebastian’s forehead.

“Sorry! Stay there, you got uh- “Valentine shifted, pulling at the hem of his tee so he could wipe the others jaw, a smudge of dark oil glistening against the pale skin. He was close enough he could smell the others sweat, the curl of old cigarettes on his breath. It shouldn’t have made him shiver like he did.

“Valentine- “Sebastian hand moved to grip at his hip, the palm burning hot against his exposed stomach, and Valentine dropped the hem of his shirt with a nervous kind of energy. “-I’ll let you know. What Maru says, I mean.” He finished, tone strangled as he stepped back, Valentine feeling like he was swaying without the others support.

“Oh! Oh, yeah. For sure, say hi to Alex for me.”

Sebastian offered a half wave over his shoulder, probably disappearing for a shower, and Valentine looked down, stroking a finger over the dark stain the oil had left from Sebastian’s face. He took a desperate drag from the cigarette still clasped between his fingers and struggled to think of what else he could do with his day. Evelyn had asked him for some advice on the flowerbed soil in town, he turned, starting to walk back towards the centre. His hip still warm from the others touch.


	5. The Pier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no proof reading I dont believe in it. If u see me edit this 10 times, no u dont

Valentine couldnt be sure it was Sebastian at first. The rain was dropping down his large raincoat, an ugly green thing he had dug out of his Grandfathers storage. It was too big, came dipping down to his thighs, but it kept him dry enough, even if the hood kept shifting in front of his eyes. He pulled it back a little squinting through the heavy pour, his stomach giving that funny twist it always seemed to give when he saw the other.

"Sebastian?" He called, but his words got stolen by the wind, being tossed up in the air and carried away. He sighed a little, looking to the bridge that would take him back to town. He had promised Jodie he would catch her a fish for their shared dinner that night, and he had one in storage he could use. He just figured the fresher the better.

He stiffened his shoulders, clutching at his fishing pole and continuing to trudge through the sand, grimacing as a few grains flicked up to fall into his wellies. Disgusting. He would need shower before he went anywhere tonight, even if it felt a little counterproductive with how soaked he felt. The sturdy feeling of wood under his feet was reassuring, even if the crashing of the waves from beneath him was a little unsettling. He wasnt fond of the ocean, it was too big. Too uncontrollable to be ever considered safe, and the dusty looking life ring did nothing to inspire confidence in him.

He could smell cigarette smoke, and he briefly wondered how Sebastian had managed to light a fag out here, in the almost storm like conditions. If he heard Valentines footsteps, he gave no implication, his dark hoodie soaked and his shoulders tense.

"Sebastian?" Valentine repeated, a little softer, and Sebastian gave a small jolt of surprise. So, he hadn’t realized he had been there. Valentine was struck with a strange kind of terror, of someone pushing Sebastian into the mouth of the dark waves and him having no idea.

Sebastian half turned, looking over his shoulder, and his eyes looked different. Guarded, like when they first met. Like he was confused to why Valentine would ever talk to him. It made something ache, deep between his ribs, and Valentine took a couple steps closer, half waving, half holding his hand out in a peaceful gesture.

"I didnt see you there." It wasnt reassuring, the tone was defensive, and Valentine frowned a little, shrugging his shoulder and pushing his hand back into his pocket, trying to keep a little warm.

"It’s okay, I think the wind stole my words." He reassured, and Sebastian returned his smile, it didnt reach his eyes. Valentine swayed a little on his feet uncertain if he was welcome to stand beside him, unable to speak to this new and strange Sebastian he didnt recognize. That felt cruel, he had no right to claim to know the other, really. A handful of months compared to how long Sebastian had lived here. He had no right to assume at all. 

"I'd offer you one, but I think the tobacco got wet." Sebastian added then, turning to stare back at the rolling ocean, and Valentine took at that consent to step closer, shoulder to shoulder with the other.

"It's okay, it’s a bad habit really. I need to give up."

Sebastian scoffed at that, a sound that was strangely cruel, and Valentine pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, cheeks heating up with discomfort.

"Worse it can do is kill you."

"Well, hopefully it won’t come to that." Valentine frowned, and Sebastian gave one of those half shrugs. They stood there together, for a moment, in noisy silence. Finally, Sebastian turned to look at him, really look. A clarity to his eyes that wasnt there before.

"You're getting soaked."

Valentine laughed, feeling strangely light.

"So are you, you arent even wearing a coat."

"I guess." Sebastian let out a heavy sounding sigh, flicking the ashed cigarette into the hungry waves beneath them, and he bent to pick up a large striped umbrella by his feet. Valentine wanted to ask why he hadn’t opened it sooner, but the more the rain poured and fell down the others face, the calmer he looked. The tension in his shoulders sinking.

"I like to come out here to think. The house can be noisy sometimes, too many people when I’m trying to work." Sebastian explained carefully, and Valentine was suddenly horribly aware of how he was disturbing the others peace. He went to move away, apology on his lips, but Sebastian had opened his umbrella with a soft ' _whoosh_ ', tilting his head to invite Valentine under.

"It doesnt feel like that, with you. Noisy I mean." Sebastian continued, voice soft, and the wind nearly stole away his voice before Valentine could hear him. He was struck with the urge to press his cold hands to Sebastian wet jaw, tilt his face towards him, get him to breathe those words directly into his ears. It felt electric, fizzing and hot, and Valentine felt his breath catch a little at the idea. Sebastian’s dark eyes where focused on him, his skin pale and purple in places, his nose and lips a shocking pink in contrast.

"I'm glad." Valentine managed to breathe out, and Sebastian smiled a little, turning his head away again. He had the little indents of ear piercings in his earlobe, Valentine had never noticed it before. "I like... Its quiet with you too. I like that." Valentine continued, painfully shy suddenly, his own eyes stubbornly set on the horizon.

He jumped a little as he felt a touch at his wrist, looking down at Sebastian's long, pale fingers. They brushed the edge of his pocket, strangely intimate, and Valentine removed his hand. He held it open, palm up, and Sebastian carefully weaved their fingers together. He was shockingly cold, and it made Valentine just grip tighter, smoothing his thumb across the back of the others hand.

It was quiet, in the way a storm could be quiet under a bright umbrella, with Sebastian beside him. They watched the ocean, watched the rolling, crashing waves, and Valentine realized he could stand here forever. 


	6. Mountain Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh we are back, hi! more sebastian vibes lets go

Valentine had done some dumb shit in his youth. He wasnt shy of doing things that seemed dangerous, unpredictable. Even taking on his Grandfathers farm on the fly had been the kind of impulsive move he always pulled. He couldnt regret it though, not one part of him. He had had the thought a few nights ago that he would grow old and die in Pelican Town, and he felt nothing but the lingering warmth of being part of a community until he passed.

But now, he wasnt old just now, he was gasping against the whipping wind on the back of Sebastian’s bike. He was clutching onto the soft leather of Sebastian’s riding jacket, pressing his cheek to the curve of the others shoulder, knuckles white as they rode. He loved the feeling of flying over the curves of the rode, the sway of the bike under him. Sebastian hadn’t told him where they were going, and he liked the idea of the vagueness of their outing. They were a little uncomfortably close to the mountain edge, and he could see the blanket of Zuzu City spread out beneath them, and the dark, star scattered sky above them.

"Okay?" Sebastian’s voice sounded echoey and muffled from behind the others rider helmet, and Valentine nodded against his back, feeling the rumbling laugh of the other from his chest.

Sebastian finally parked up, settling the bike and helping Valentine off, his legs strangely shaky as he stood up.

"What do you think?" Sebastian asked softly, and Valentine tilted his head to the side, looking out against that beautiful view, and he found himself smiling.

"It’s beautiful." He admitted, voice soft with genuine admiration, and Sebastian seemed pleased about that. His long fingers curled around his wrist, tugging gently to lead him towards the edge of the mountain side.

"I come here sometimes, clear my head. It’s nice." Sebastian continued, digging into his pocket for his little pouch of tobacco, rolling a cigarette with that easy kind of practise and lighting up. The smell of smoke curled between them, heavy and rich, and Valentine inhaled instinctively. Sebastian pressed the cigarette into his hand, and Valentine took a drag.

"Looks amazing, you might be able to see my old flat from here." Valentine continued, and Sebastian hummed lightly, he passed the cigarette back. The burning amber caught against the soft cupid bow of Sebastian’s lips, the sparse speckle of dark stubble against his jaw.

"I used to want to live out in the city." Sebastian started, and Valentine frowned a little. Sebastian had told him that before, but he had done so with finality. He had assumed Sebastian was working away so hard in his basement to get out, to get to the city. "-Things change, people change. I guess. I like it here now. It seemed like a silly dream, romantic." Sebastian continued, and Valentine smiled a little, he wasnt sure why.

"It’s hard, in the city. People dont know you, too fast to get close to anyone really." Valentine admitted, painfully shy of his admission, and Sebastian was looking at him. The dark brown eyes half reflected the stars above them, and he found himself smiling wider.

"I dont normally bring people here, I um... Well." Sebastian ducked his head, the passing of the cigarette this time was almost jerky, shy, and Valentine plucked it carefully off the other to take a drag. "I haven't felt this way before, about a guy. Well, me and Alex but that was years ago, dumb really-"

"You and _Alex_?"

"Valentine."

Valentine was struck by Sebastian’s tone, the soft way he spoke and breathed over his name, and he found himself flushing and hot. He took another drag, his head turning to look over, Sebastian still staring at him. Hot and heavy.

"I haven't felt this way about anyone before. Before you, I mean."

"Sebastian-"

Sebastian’s hand moved, carefully pulling the cigarette from his mouth, tossing it somewhere towards the edge of the mountain side, spinning and flicking out of light. Those long fingers settled on the edge of his jaw, and Valentine sucked in a surprised breath. He felt cold, and he shivered in response.

"Oh, I’m sorry-" Valentine felt Sebastian pull away, and he frowned, shaking his head.

"No- No, I’m just, its cold. You surprised me." Valentine was quick to soothe, and the tension disappeared from his shoulders as soon as it came. His smile was easy, he shrugged off his heavy leather riding jacket, holding it out. Valentine felt flushed all over again, taking it and pressing his arms through the sleeves, tugging it up over his shoulders. It was warm, buttery soft under his fingers, and smelt spicy, the way Sebastian smelt in the mornings.

"Better?"

"Yeah, yeah. Thank you. I um-" Valentine felt pricky, nervous, and he reached out for Sebastian’s hand, smiling as he laced their fingers together.

"You haven’t felt this way about someone before-"

"Valentine!" Sebastian scolded lightly, laughing, and Valentine joined in to laugh beside him. "You just want me to say it again."

"Yes." Valentine admitted, almost dizzy with the bubbling warmth in his stomach. Sebastian curled his hand around his jaw again, chipped purple nails just out of his eyeline. He was close, closer than he was before, and Valentine could smell his smoke heavy breath against his lips.

"And do you-"

" _Yes_." Valentine rushed, and Sebastian laughed, closer still. His free arm curled around his waist, arm hot from where he had wormed it between his back and the jacket, heavy and reassuring. Valentine let himself be lead closer, his own hands clutching at Sebastian’s hips, denim of his jeans prickly under his hands.

Kissing Sebastian felt like breathing, like something he had done his whole life. He wasnt sure who moved first, but he knew now that he could taste the others thin lips against his, gentle and shy, tangy with smoke. The hand supporting his jaw encouraged Valentine to tilt up, closer, and Valentine found himself gasping as teeth pressed into the soft skin of his bottom lip. He felt lost there, struck between warm and cold, needing and shy. He could feel Sebastian’s arm pull him closer, his hands trapped between their chests. He didnt know how long they kissed, held each other. The stars seemed brighter when they finally pulled back, and the moisture on his lips felt cool as the wind caught it.

Sebastian’s had curled his hand under the thin fabric of his shirt, palm warm against the small of his back, and Valentine couldnt imagine what he had done before he had Sebastian to hold him.

"We should give up smoking."

"Is _that_ what you want to say after we kiss for the first time-"

Sebastian snorted, pressing his head down onto the curve of his neck and shoulder, and Valentine could feel the exhale of the others laughter between the collar of his borrowed leather jacket.

"Sorry I - Robin hassles me about it and I - Being healthy and all that. I want to be healthy, now." Sebastian had pulled back from his little perch, and he smiled down on him, eyes soft, hair falling forward. His dark hair merged back against the starry sky, and he looked endless.

"Well, I'll have to give up. I can’t roll, and I just like stealing yours." Valentine complained softly, and Sebastian rolled his eyes a little, playful.

"Well, that’s why you hang around me, huh? Com'on, its late. I'll take you back."

"Do you want your jacket-"

"No, no its okay. Looks cooler on you anyway. Emo in the making and all that." Sebastian teased, and Valentine felt that same tingly rush of pleasure, curling his arms back around Sebastian’s waist as he started up the bike.


	7. Moss green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The silence stayed, but it was less heavy this time. Sebastian was breathing slow, deliberate, like he was counting. He knew Sebastian struggled, he always seemed so close to just... Something wild, untamed behind his eyes. Like he was fighting for control against something constantly. He hadn’t seen him this quiet though, this shadowed and fractured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ! depression hurt comfort bby! lets go! hell yeah!  
> edited the chapter bc i hate my style of writing! hell yeah! and i can def add more angst into this and im high key tempted

So little changed over the weeks that followed their first kiss. He and Sebastian had always been touchy with one another, catching hands, linking fingers. All that changed now was that he didnt have to shy away from thoughts about kissing him. He was allowed to think about catching his jaw, pulling at his dark hair, tugging and licking at him lips. It was nice, painfully nice, and he felt so undeserving of the peace he felt. He felt like he was soaked in Sebastian, nowadays. He felt like he smelt of the other, breathing in his scent.

Valentine felt dizzy, airy today. An annoying kind of joy in his stomach, making his bones feel light. He raised his hand to push at the carpenters shop door, waving to Robin as she whittled away at her countertop. He wasnt sure what Sebastian had said to her, about them. He hadn’t been here since his and Sebastian’s kiss either, and he felt strange at the thought of disrupting their peace together. Did Robin even know Sebastian was gay? He had been open about it with him, but being open with someone like you, and being open with a parent you still lived with where two different things entirely.

"Hey, is Seb working?" Valentine asked, suddenly feeling like he was picking the other up for prom, shy and unsure of himself. If Robin noticed she didnt say anything, rather she kept whittling, distracted.

"Oh, I dont know, he hasn't left his room all day." She admitted, face tight, pinched like his Mothers when he did something she was particularly annoyed by. Valentine frowned, turning to look at the clock beside the door. Five in the evening. It was late, even for Sebastian. He normally managed to get up and get some food for a late lunch, or at least drag himself out for a smoke, to annoy Maru. He fussed with his jacket, tugging at the pockets, pushing at his hair. Robin continued her sharp, practised movements. The wood chippings tumbling to the desk, gathering into the growing pile. He wasnt sure what she was making, looked a little like a bear.

"Well, I'll go and bother him-"

"Valentine." Robins voice caught him short, the way he could feel a slight edge in her tone, the noise of whittled wood suddenly falling silent. She passed the bear like figure between her hands; once, twice, then she stopped. Valentine had to stop himself from holding his breath in the growing quiet.

"Take some snacks down for him, would you? I have his dinner covered in the kitchen, it’s his favourite." Robin finally added, smile a little softer this time, and Valentine nodded quickly, eager for a chance to leave the strange atmosphere growing.

He found the bowl with tinfoil covering it, carefully peering under and smiling as he saw the vivid orange of pumpkin soup. He had brought some over a few days ago, a passing job. Sebastian had been at band practise with Sam, so he saw little need to stick around. He picked it up carefully, gesturing to it with his head as he passed Robin on the way to the basement, she smiled a little more genuinely as he went.

There was no light from the doorway of Sebastian’s room, and it was quiet, still as he nudged open the door with his shoe.

"Sebastian?" He called out, peering into the dark, nothing but a dim little lamp in the corner beside Sebastian’s computer. He didnt get a reply, and he knocked the light switch with his elbow, blinking against the bright light.

"Hey." The way Sebastian spoke was soft, quiet, but it made him jump anyway. Valentine laughed it off, clearing a small place on Sebastian’s desk to place down the soup, still warm. Sebastian was in bed, he could just see the top of his head, slight hint of pale red roots peeking out from the dark hair.

"Hey, you taking a nap? Sorry to bother you. You want to be careful; you won’t sleep tonight." Valentine continued, toing off his shoes and shuffling off his jacket, carefully hanging it over the desk chair. Sebastian didnt reply, barely moved, and Valentine found himself frowning, walking over.

"You okay?" He asked, softer, and he realized Sebastian had pressed his head into his pillow, shoulders curled tight up towards his ears. Slowly, carefully, he reached to stroke his hands across Sebastian’s hair, feeling the tacky texture of his forehead.

" 'm not sleeping." Sebastian answered, voice gentle, and he turned his head to peer at him, little red pillow creases marking his pale cheek. Valentine hummed, shifting to sit on the edge of Sebastian’s bed, digging under the others blanket until he found his hand, rubbing his thumb against the sharp knuckles. Sebastian sucked in a breath that sounded deep, and unwilling.

"No? That’s okay, you um..." Valentine wondered what was okay to say, what wouldn’t be cruel. "Feeling sad?"

Sebastian scoffed, a dark little noise. He begun to unwind, slowly at first. His shoulders dropped, his legs that he had felt curled up stretched out, and he turned his head away from his pillow completely. Sebastian didnt stare at him, rather he stared at the ceiling, for a long moment.

"No, not feeling much." Valentine frowned, catching the others chin, tilting Sebastian’s head towards him.

"Hungry? You haven’t eaten today." He pressed, and Sebastian continued to look at him, tongue darting out to lick his dry lips.

"It’s early still." Sebastian dismissed softly. Valentine sighed, he didnt mean to, and he brushed his thumb over Sebastian chapped lips, smiling as Sebastian huffed out a small noise of laughter.

"Its five."

"Oh."

The silence stayed, but it was less heavy this time. Sebastian was breathing slow, deliberate, like he was counting. He knew Sebastian struggled, he always seemed so close to just... Something wild, untamed behind his eyes. Like he was fighting for control against something constantly. He hadn’t seen him this quiet though, this shadowed and fractured, not since the pier.

"You wanna eat something?"

Sebastian sighed, half pushing himself up slowly, the neck of his sleep rumpled shirt stretched out and low. His sharp collarbones slightly shiny with sweat. Even like this, Valentine felt something close to painful fondness.

" 'm not hungry."

"It’s pumpkin soup?"

"Maybe a little hungry." Valentine laughed at that, and as he went to stand, Sebastian caught his wrist, keeping him in place. He had stubbornly returned his eyes to the ceiling, and Valentine hummed lightly, trying to catch his attention.

"Hey-"

"Just lay here with me, for a bit. If you want?" Sebastian continued, and Valentine softened. He nodded, nudging at his shoulder until Sebastian shuffled over a little, Valentine lifting his legs up to curl on the bed beside him. Sebastian wouldn’t let his wrist free, even as he laid on his side. Sebastian smelt sleep-warm, a little tangy, but he didnt mind. Valentine tucked his hand under the blanket, finding Sebastian’s waist and stroking down the indents of his spine. The other shivered a little into the touch,

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Valentine asked softly, and Sebastian sighed, his eyes closing.

"No, nothing to talk about." Sebastian breathed between them, secret, and Valentine half shrugged, kissing his lips to the dip of his cupid bow.

"Well, we can talk about nothing together then, can’t we." He decided, and Sebastian let out that breathy laugh again, moving close to tuck his head under his chin. He could feel Sebastian’s soft little breaths against his neck, and the other suddenly felt warm and gentle under his hands, alive. 

"I'll feel better, just happens sometimes. It will go away, normally does." Sebastian added, after a long moment of silence, and Valentine continued to smooth his hands over his back, the curl of the others shoulder blades. Scapula. He read a story about it once, something his flatmate wrote in her creative writing class. Scapula, all that was left of Angel wings.

"Do you think its-"

"Depression? Probably." Sebastian sounded all hollow and wrong, and Valentine swallowed his sigh, pressing a kiss to the top of Sebastian’s head, hair prickly against his lips. He shifted, pulling away and standing from the bed. Sebastian made a kind of wounded noise.

"It isn’t contagious."

"Yoba, I know that Seb, I’m getting you some food. Then I'll brush your hair, maybe paint your nails. That purple is so chipped they basically arent painted anymore." Valentine listed, sweeping up the soup and thankful Robin had placed a spoon within the bowl, it left his mind completely in his excitement to see Seb to grab any cutlery.

Sebastian had gone quiet, but he didnt seem upset. Instead, he slowly pushed himself up, almost against his own will. Finally, he was upright, half leaning against the wall his bed was pressed up against, hands held out for the bowl.

"I can feed you like an airplane?" Valentine teased, holding it just out of reach, and Sebastian smiled, a half genuine thing.

"Fuck you, gimme the soup."

Valentine smiled, pressing it into Sebastian’s hands, half listening to the other eat as he began to dig into his food. Sebastian had a small collection of nail varnishes, he remembered seeing it one of the first times he had come down into the others room. Mostly dark, some red, purples, blacks. He found it shoved beside some comics, and grinned as he found a dark, mossy green.

"Can I try painting your nails?" He called over his shoulder, and Sebastian made a non-committal noise, and he took that as a yes.

He shook the bottle, he wasnt sure why. He had seen his old flatmate do it before she painted her nails. It made a small clicking noise, and Sebastian looked up from his food as Valentine walked back over.

"Green?"

"It’s pretty. Here." Valentine grabbed for a graphic novel at first, and by Sebastian’s stricken look he placed it back down and grabbed a pillow instead. He placed it on his knee, guiding Sebastian’s hand to rest on top. The bowl, now empty, was placed on the mattress.

"Have you ever done this?"

"No, can't be hard right?" Valentine continued, with that blind optimism that made him a Farmer in the first place. Sebastian hummed, watching, with the first real smile Valentine had seen yet that day. He lent forward, stealing a short kiss, before he twisted open the bottle.

"If you tell me it’s bad, I’m going to break up with you." He warned, giddy, and Sebastian laughed.

"I think you'll do just fine."


	8. Saviour Complex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhhhhhhhhh, imma do some sad times bc its important to show the good and bad parts of mental illness, and being in a relationshop doenst magically fix thiiiiinggsss. I probably also need a beta reader bc uhhh i literally cant spot my own typos so :)

Sebastian was avoiding him. Valentine didnt want to think it at first, it sat like a heavy weight in his stomach and made everything harder to do. He couldnt stop thinking about it, no matter how aggressively he tried to push the thoughts away, even when he was picking his crops and milking the cows. Even when he sat in Stardrop saloon, clutching a drink and making half conversations with locals he couldnt remember the details of after the fact.

It had been about a week since he went to see the other, painting Sebastian’s nails and brushing out his long hair. He had left the basement with a soft kiss, his boyfriend soft under his hands, half a smile on the other lips. It had looked genuine. At least, at the time it had looked genuine, maybe he had been wrong? Had it been something he'd done?

His hands were caked with mud, it had drizzled slightly during the night, and the soil smelt rich, soft under his fingers. It had been a bright morning though, he could feel the gentle heat on his back as he carefully sowed some crops for Summer, the promise of warm days stretched out in front of him. He remembered last Summer vividly, the way he would sit with Sebastian as he worked on his motorbike before they realized just how they felt about one another. Perhaps, he let himself think as he pressed more seeds into the moist soil, Sebastian’s depression was worse than realized. Maybe Sebastian was in his room, in that dark little room, and he should go and help. Well, he had clung to that as an excuse for the first few days of Sebastian going quiet. Until he saw him playing pool with Sam and Abigail, face bright and open, last night in the saloon and Valentine wondered why he hasn’t gone over. It would have been easy, just stand up, curl his arm around Sebastian’s waist, a gesture that could be excused for friendly if the other was still unsure of sharing his sexuality. He hadn’t though, he finished his drink and left, and this morning after he woke, Valentine let himself try and understand why.

He had dated people before, barely a relationship really. More a few failed dates and fumbling. But he understood commitment issues, he understood someone reluctant to be honest and open with someone else, but Sebastian didnt seem like that. He pressed the next line of seeds a little roughly into the soil, and he whispered a half apology to them. Maybe Sebastian doubted this, maybe he felt like Valentine had rushed into things. Valentine called him his boyfriend; he was the one that playfully spoke of dating. Maybe he was the one that misunderstood the kiss. Did Sebastian just want something casual from him? His phone buzzed against his thigh, and Valentine wiped his hands against his work trousers before pulling it out, narrowing his eyes at the screen.

_think it will suit?_

Sebastian had sent a photo of a box of dark purple dye, and Valentine was struck by how normal it was. Maybe he was overthinking it? He wasnt overly anxious, not really. But maybe he was just stressed. As he thought it over, his phone buzzed again, and he shielded the screen with his hand, trying to reduce the glare of the sun.

_want to help me, Maru normally does but she’s out in town and I can’t reach the back._

That made him smile a little, and Valentine sent a quick message back confirming his availability, and then after a pause he sent a photo of the line of neatly planted seeds. Sebastian sent a plant emoji back, and Valentine felt like a weight was lifted.

* * *

"I'm going to stain your skin, stop moving."

It felt as easy as breathing, combing his fingers through Sebastian’s hair, carefully making sure the dark black and strawberry blond roots were covered in the rich purple shade. He had spent time coating the others hairline with some Vaseline, covering his shoulders with an old towel bleached towel. Sebastian had been fine when he saw him, smiled brightly when he stepped down the stairs into the basement, pressing a kiss to his cheek and then a box of dye into his hands. It felt normal, painfully normal, and it made him strangely uneasy.

"Dont stain my skin-"

"Dont keep moving then!"

Sebastian laughed at that, his normal deep laugh, and Valentine felt the unease build, carefully pressing the dye in the little light ginger section behind Sebastian’s ears.

Sebastian seemed okay, like he was the night before at the bar. Open, easy to laugh and smile, eyes bright.

"I um, you alright?" Valentine asked, voice softer than he meant, but he felt like he shouted the way Sebastian’s shoulders stiffened, tight.

"Fine, why?" Defence, hard edge, and Valentine found himself frozen, fingers still in the others hair. he forced himself to continue, happy he had covered most the hair.

"I just haven’t seen you recently. I mean, I've seen you. Around." 'but not with me' stayed in the air between them, and he could see the way Sebastian’s shoulders bunched forward, Valentine sharply wished he had never said anything at all.

"It’s not a big deal-" He started to defend himself, but Sebastian let out a heavy sounding exhale that made him pause.

"Valentine."

He fell silent, looking down at his hands and carefully peeling off the large plastic gloves covered in purple dye, and he was thankful Sebastian had his back to him.

"Really, it’s not a big deal-"

"Valentine." It was sharp this time, deep, and Valentine inhaled sharply through his noise, the sharp smell of the hair dye making his nose ache. "I just... I wanted to make sure I was better. Before I saw you. I was just -"

"-Depressed?"

"I’m not fucking depressed." Valentine was so surprised by the anger in Sebastian’s tone he took a step back, ribs tight, and Sebastian had half turned his head to look at him. It should have been funny, the way his hair was slicked back, the glisten of the Vaseline across his hair line.

"You said-"

"I was wrong, okay? I’m fine, I just get-" Sebastian gestured sharpy with his hand, standing and adjusting the towel across his shoulders, a strangely wild and vulnerable look in his eyes. Valentine turned his head away, stuffing the gloves into the bin beside Sebastian’s desk. "- I just get that way sometimes. Its fine, I wanted to make sure I felt okay before I saw you again. It’s not fair for you to be around me when I’m like that." Sebastian continued, placing his desk chair back behind the table, fussing with his shirt. He was avoiding eye contact, and it annoyed Valentine in a way he couldn’t explain.

"I- We are dating, right?" It was quiet, and Valentine continued with a sharpness that made him physically hurt. "-Right? I um, when that happens you can’t just- you can’t just pick and choose what we experience together. I dont mind helping you-"

"I dont need help. I’m not a child, okay? It’s not a big deal." Sebastian continued, like he couldnt hear him, like he wasnt there. He was rearranging his novels now, neat piles on the desk, sharp and angry.

"You hadn’t moved all day Seb, _Yoba_ you hadn’t eaten either, if I hadn’t come-"

"Is it a saviour thing then? Well, thank Yoba for Valentine, coming here and saving me. Bet my Mother loves having you around." Sebastian wasnt shouting, in fact his voice had barely rose from his bored tone, but Valentine felt like he had been physically hit.

"What the fuck, Seb? What is this? An argument?" Valentine asked, and he hated how pointed and barded his tone was, it made him feel emotional, his previous fear of taking this whole thing the wrong way stirring sharply.

"I’m not arguing with you. " Sebastian deflected, and Valentine sighed, sharp from his lungs, grabbing for his phone and stuffing it in his pocket.

"It feels like an argument, I’m just asking you to be honest with me, I was worried." Valentine continued, open, and Sebastian scoffed, ducking his head to look into his reflection of a small mirror on his wall. The purple suited him, and Valentine was annoyed at how good he thought he looked whilst they- well. ‘Not Argued’.

"I’m not your responsibility to worry over, I’m telling you I’m fine, fucking hell." Sebastian finally looked at him, eyes dark and narrow, and Valentine felt his breath catch. He didnt know if it was with annoyance, or with just a flurry of emotion that was equal parts upset or anger.

"But that’s what people do, when they, Yoba- Talking! Communication! I dont want you to feel like you have to hide from me, or hide anything negative-"

"You are so fucking self-absorbed, what do you know about me? You are so nice, friends with anyone in this stupid town, am I a project? Is that it? You adopted the first person you felt sorry for and just made it your job to meddle in their life. Some fucking saviour project to tinker on." Every word was spat, sharp, and Valentine found himself taking a step back, hand searching for his jacket and pulling it on with awkward, jerky movements. It was quiet in the room, painfully so, and Valentine kept his eyes firmly pinned on the floor, shoving his feet into his shoes.

"Valentine-" Sebastian voice was soft, almost muttered, and Valentine frowned, bending to lace at his shoes and stubbornly keeping his eyes on the floor. Something heavy was in his stomach again, uncomfortable, and Valentine panicked briefly that the gathering moisture in his eyes wasnt a reaction to the hair dye, but the growing tightness in his chest. Idiot, he was a fucking idiot, and the thought gave him a clarity that made his hands steady, less frantic as he tied a bow to his laces.

"I think-" He felt selfish saying it, pausing as he stood before he sighed, pressing his hand through his hair and tugging on the ends of the curls, discomfort tight and ever present. "-Maybe it would be best if I went for now. I’m clearly not helping by being here." Again, so selfish in his words, it was like he couldnt help himself.

He didnt look back as he left, it was almost like Sebastian disappeared from the room behind him completely, silent. The door sounded loud behind him, uneasy, and he was thankful Robin wasnt standing at the counter. He wasnt sure he could explain himself, he wasnt sure he even understood what had happened. He was thankful Sebastian had let him go quietly, he wasn’t sure if he could have held it together for much longer, but he felt unbalanced at the fact the other hadn’t tried to stop him.

When he left, walking back down the path that led to his farm, the rain started up again. Heavy and dark, and Valentine wasnt certain if he was just getting wet, or if he was crying. 


	9. Tea Leaves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) i love abigail

Valentine was avoiding everyone. Well, it wasnt as dramatic as that, he still went into town. He just made sure he went when it was so early no one was up, apart from Mayor Lewis and Marine (always strangely near one another and flustered), or so late he could half hear Shane stumbling home from Stardrop Saloon. It was stupid, he knew it was stupid, but it was like a compulsion, and he couldnt stop the anxiety shifting in his stomach at the thought of accidentally bumping into Sebastian. Yoba, even the thought of talking to Robin made his skin crawl. He knew it was a problem of his, his avoidant personality that trailed him his whole life, made it so he wouldn’t go out his comfort zone or try new things. But the thought of having to talk to Sebastian before he felt ready, before he felt like he had organized all the strange feelings in his stomach and stopped himself from being so damn emotional about it made him nervous. And that just brought him back round to the feeling of selfishness, making this situation about him. Maybe Sebastian had a point? He loved helping people, he made a conscious effort to check in at the signboard outside Pierre’s every day, hand little trinkets and objects over to people, wave off any thanks and accept whatever they wanted to give him. He always thought that was as sign of a good person, but maybe instead it was just a sign of his own desire to be perceived that way.

Burger, his prized dairy cow, made a disgruntled noise from above him, and Valentine was quick to apologize, rubbing the flat of his palm over her flank, settling her before he continued to milk. He had been lost in his thoughts, and it seemed his livestock didnt have any sympathy for his current state. He ruffled the soft tuff of fur on her forehead, before he carefully carried his bucket of milk out to his shed to run it through his pasteuriser, and it took him longer than he would have liked to spot his guest. It was only as he stepped back out, placing the milk bucket down that he spotted her. Abigail, well. He could only see the back of them, knocking at his front door with careful patience. But the bright purple hair was vivid, and she was clad in her normal dark clothing and laddered tights. Seeing her made him panic, hot and prickly, but he swallowed it down. Abigail came round sometimes, with some bundles from Pierre. Her being didnt automatically mean anything connected to Sebastian.

"Hey!" His voice came out softer than he meant, and Valentine briefly wondered if Abigail even heard him, she turned round though, smile on her dark lips and waving.

"Hey! My dad sent me, got some stuff." She gestured to a canvas bag he hadn’t seen previously, and Valentine felt his shoulders relax and nodded, opening up the front door and gesturing inside with his head.

"Thanks, you want a drink or something? I dont have much but I think I have some of that tea your mum gave me." Valentine continued, relaxing a little, taking the bag from Abi and starting to pile the items out on the side. Some oil, rice, flour. He had a subscription kind of service with the shop owner that saved him from making constant trips.

"Yeah! I’d like a tea, its cold, I have no idea how you stay out there all day." Abi had thrown herself into one of his kitchen chairs, her chunky shoes settling on top of the table, and Valentine didnt have the heart to tell her to stop.

The kettle filled the noise for a while, bubbling away, and Valentine busied himself getting mugs from the cupboard. He could almost forget the whole 'Sebastian' issue, almost. He pretended his hands didnt shake a little as he poured water over the fine leaves, placing some sugar down on the table for Abi to add her own.

"What- I mean. It’s nice having you here, I feel like I only ever see you in the Saloon sometimes, but you dont normally-" Valentine continued, unsure, and Abigail watched him, stirring a heaped spoon of sugar into her tea and taking a sip. Her eyes looked like her Mothers, just lined with dark eyeshadow and eyeliner.

"Sebastian can be an asshole sometimes." She said instead, bright, like they were still talking about the weather. Valentine jolted, nearly tipping his own cup of tea across his kitchen table.

"What?"

"Sebastian? Can be an asshole sometimes, and he doesnt ask for help. He just gets all annoyed and shouty, did he do that with you?" She was staring, that same patient look, and Valentine swallowed thickly, wondering if this was some kind of set up.

"I dont know what you mean." He settled instead, ducking his head and taking a gulp of his tea, a little more bitter than he liked and hot too.

"I mean, we never properly dated, but I know what he can be like, Ive known him since we were kids you know."

"Did he tell you?" Valentine asked, alarmed, and Abigail looked a little smug, sipping again.

"No, but you just did. Now, I’m guessing you argued, hes miserable and I know he didnt fall out with me or Sam, so that leaves just you. Sam doesnt know, about you two, it was just a theory of mine."

Valentine sighed, heavy, and leaned back against his chair, pressing the palm of his hands deep into his eye sockets.

"He um... We argued. I said I was worried about him, and he didnt think I should be." Valentine defined loosely, and it felt so silly when he outlined it like that. Like it was nothing at all. By Abigail’s knowing noise, she understood what that meant.

"Mental health, right? He's always been touchy about it, me and Sam just never mention it anymore. Go and sit in his room, make him listen to some music or something." Abi continued, and Valentine slowly drank as she spoke, the bitterness starting to lift the more he took, finally just leaving a fine layer of tea leaves. Abigail held her hand out, and after a long pause Valentine handed it over. He did make a small noise of protest as she flipped it down on his wooden table, a small trickle of tea leaking from the sides.

"I’ll wipe it, lemme look yeah?" Abigail teased lightly, picking the cup back up and peering inside, and Valentine forced himself not to grab a cloth and wipe the mess himself.

"Heart, spiral, and knots. You and Sebastian will be just fine." She pushed his mug back towards him, and Valentine couldnt help himself from picking it up and peering inside, it didnt look like much to him, but he chose to believe her.

"You can see all that in the leaves?" He asked, doubtful, and he could hear Abigail laugh, using the sleeve of her dark jacket to wipe up the tea mess she made, and Valentine had to stop himself from scolding her like a Mother.

"I can see it in how fucking moody Seb has been. He came out with us last night and I half thought someone had died, if you guys sort your shit out, he might be nicer to be around." Her voice was light, teasing, but Valentine could see concern in the line of her shoulders. He gave a small nod, cheeks hot.

"I dont think he wants to see me."

"He thinks the same. He does this, push you away. He has shit coping mechanisms. You dont have to forgive him straight away, you can make him suffer a little bit." As she spoke, Abigail stood, sweeping her canvas bag up from the side and rolling it tight, stuffing it in her pocket. Valentine stood to see her to the door, but she waved him off.

"Its fine, can I say hi to the cows before I go?"

"Yeah! Yeah, of course. Here." Valentine felt relieved to have a break from Abigail’s wise eyes, all knowing, and dug in the fridge for some spinach.

"Give them this, you'll be their best friend." Abigail gave him a bright smile, stretching her dark lipstick, and Valentine was struck how much she reminded him of his old flatmate.

"You're good for him, you know. He really likes you." Abigail called over her shoulder, and Valentine felt his cheeks go warm and pink all over again and waved as she slammed her door a shut.

Maybe he should go see Sebastian.


End file.
